3 Reasons Your Practices for Soothing or Suppressing Anger Aren’t Working

Anger Calming Practices have their Time and Place… but they don’t work in the long-run

If you’re like me, you pride yourself in being self-aware. So when you realised that you’ve been struggling with frustration, anger or even rage for far too long, you took action because you knew you needed to heal. Your mental and emotional health depended on it – and perhaps even your relationships if your loved ones have been the unsuspecting victims of your outbursts.

You tried all the things you knew – or have heard – would heal you from your charged emotions. Breathwork. Meditation. Affirmations. Long walks. Yoga. Perhaps even seeing a counsellor, coach, therapist or psychologist.

Let me be clear — they’re all terrific. They all have their time and place, and I love all of them. I constantly practise various forms of breathwork in my martial arts training; I meditate most days, regularly recite affirmations, and I love long walks or jogs on the beach with my dog as the sun climbs over the ocean to announce the arrival of a new day. Being an Empowerment Coach – and having friends and clients who work in mind therapy – I have a great appreciation for coaching, counselling, therapy and psychology. And if you’ve perused ‘A few of my Favourite Things’, you would’ve picked up that between teaching kata and kihon, I can teach a beautiful Yin Yoga class (with savasana, yoga nidra and all).

Alternatively, you might have been deliberately working on suppressing your anger. You may have even been suppressing your anger all your life for a number of reasons, including self-preservation or to keep peace in the family. And so, as a learnt response, you bottle it up, force it down, stay quiet and nod.

In theory, these practices should work to dissolve your anger or frustration. Douse yang with yin to create balance, right? Yet if you’re honest, you may notice they only work momentarily… while something inside you is simmering so you still feel like shouting, punching walls or throwing that ridiculous singing-teddy-bear-whose-batteries-have-half-died-so-now-it-whines across the living room.

Let’s take a closer look at why your anger soothing strategies, or suppression, aren’t working.

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1) The basis of Anger and Frustration is Liver Qi Stagnation. Strong Liver Qi Stagnation needs an equally strong vehicle to break through it and mobilise it.

A Traditional East Asian Medicine explanation as to why Calming Practices don’t work for chronic Anger or Frustration

In Traditional East Asian Medicine (or Oriental Medicine or Chinese Medicine), charged emotions like anger and frustration are associated with Liver Qi (life force energy) Stagnation. The Liver Meridian is in charge of the smooth flow of things, whether it be Qi, Blood (think menstruation) and yes, emotions. Stagnant Liver Qi makes you feel repressed, and this feeling of ‘stuckness’ can build over time, resulting in chronic frustration or anger… or depression or anxiety. Likewise, chronic frustration or anger feeds back into your body and energy field, generating even more stagnant Liver Qi. It’s a chicken-or-egg situation that you want to break free from, before the egg explodes (again).

Other Liver Qi Stagnation symptoms include:

➡️ PMS, painful or irregular periods, dysmenorrhea 

➡️ Frequent sighing

➡️ ‘Plum-stone’ throat (feeling like there’s a plum stone stuck in your throat, and wanting to cough it up)

➡️ Tight neck and shoulders, headaches, distending pain in the chest, ribs, or breasts, and muscle stiffness.

➡️ Abdominal bloating, belching, stress-related nausea, vomiting, constipation or diarrhea

If you have some of these symptoms as well as anger, frustration, irritability, mood swings or depression, your TEAM practitioner will diagnose Liver Qi Stagnation, either as the root cause of your biomedical disharmonies or part of your overall pattern.

While charged, stuck emotions can cause Liver Qi Stagnation, another cause is a sedentary lifestyle. This is a big hint at its cure: movement. So why on earth do we try to soothe Liver Qi Stagnation with gentle, calming practices?!

Calming practices positively impact the physical body and your mental health. Just take a few deep breaths now as you’re reading this, and notice how good it feels. On a physiological level, calming practices down-regulate the nervous system, lower your heart rate, lower your blood pressure, decrease cortisol and adrenaline, and increase endorphins, serotonin and oxytocin. 

Calming strategies are perfect when you’re:

➡️ a bit overwhelmed

➡️ mildly anxious

➡️ emotionally scattered

➡️ overstimulated

➡️ in a moderately calm state, to help you feel even more relaxed!

But calming strategies alone aren’t wholly effective for breaking through chronic anger or frustration. By all means, practice breathwork and meditate in the morning to set your vibe for the day – but don’t expect big shifts, especially when you’re facing big triggers. They are simply far too gentle; far too polite.

Strong stagnant Liver Qi needs an equally strong vehicle to break through it and mobilise it. Chronically charged emotions need to be channeled in a positive, constructive and healthy way to break through and alchemise them.

One of the best ways to mobilise and break through stagnant Liver Qi is martial arts. ‘Martial’ is a misnomer; martial arts have been used for centuries for healing, so they’re not just for self-defence and warfare! Transformational Self-Defence and Martial Arts (TSDMA), in particular, has been specifically designed to heal and transform long-term charged emotions so you can turn your anger and frustration into power, calm confidence and control over your emotions and life. TSDMA is at the very heart of my Signature Program, ‘Warrior Emerging’.

TSDMA, martial arts and self-defence offer strong, intentional movement. This movement promotes healing through expression – a strategy that some psychologists recommend in addition to calming practices. But unlike the purely verbal, assertive, calm expression that is suggested, expression is through deliberate shouting (battle cries, or ‘kiai’ in Japanese martial arts) as well as directed physical exertion. Both create the movement necessary to truly shift frustration, anger, rage, depression… and underlying Liver Qi Stagnation.

😡 Rage, anger, frustration, depression and even anxiety are symptoms of Liver Qi Stagnation.

💪 Strong Liver Qi Stagnation and chronically charged emotions need an equally strong vehicle to mobilise and break through the stagnation.

🧘‍♀️ Calming strategies, like breathwork and meditation, are generally too gentle to shift charged emotions in the long-term.

🥋 TSDMA, martial arts and self-defence offer the strong, directed movement necessary to heal and break through charged emotions and Liver Qi Stagnation.

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2) Soothing Anger when you’re in the Heat of the Moment is too big a Vibrational Leap

A Vibrational explanation as to why Calming Practices don’t work for chronic Anger or Frustration

If you’ve ever tried to practice calming strategies right when you’re in the heat of conflict, you would know how challenging it is.

You’re angry, emotional – even illogical – and you’re expected to think clearly and logically… then speak calmly and slowly?! It’s like dousing a searing steak with ice-cream: it just doesn’t make sense.

Conflict resolution is a big part of martial arts, and an integral part of being an advanced martial artist. The aim is to diffuse conflict calmly with words and body language, to avoid a physical confrontation because martial arts and self-defence is always the very last resort. Resolving conflicts in this way is a learned skill where you can calmly check your emotions before they become heightened. But when you’re already red-faced, fists-clenched and shouting for the world to hear, you can’t calm down. Your emotional momentum has taken off. ‘You want me to what?! Breathe deeply and meditate when I wanna rip the limbs off this f@c%ng @!!hole?!’

See what I mean? It’s far too big an emotional and vibrational leap. If anything, suggestions of these calming strategies will only add annoyance to your anger – if not incite greater fury.

Calming strategies like breathwork, visualisations and affirmations are terrific if you’re a little anxious or overwhelmed and need to move toward neutrality. The vibrational shift is only small, and these practices anchor you in the present. They help you regain composure and control, so you can ultimately return to the moment, then move on with your day.

If you’ve been learning from various spiritual teachers for a while, it is likely you’ve come across the Teachings of Abraham-Hicks. They offer some incredible insights to help us understand emotions, vibrational frequency and alignment. Along with other models, I refer to their Emotional Guidance Scale in my ‘Warrior Emerging’ Program when we explore ‘The Emotional Alchemy of Empowerment’ Module.

Let’s take a quick look at the Emotional Guidance Scale by Abraham-Hicks:

Examining Depression, Rage, Anger and Frustration on the Emotional Guidance Scale

As you can see, depression is right at the bottom at #22, rage (and hatred) sits at #19, anger at #17 and frustration clocks in at #10. These emotions are all in the Downward Spiral: when you feel them, you are resonating at a low vibrational frequency, and are therefore, out of alignment with Source/Universe/God, and out of range of feeling high frequency emotions such as enthusiasm (#3), passion (#2) and empowerment (note that this is proudly crowned at #1, alongside joy, knowledge, freedom, love and appreciation.) The idea is that one should aim to move up the Emotional Guidance Scale (especially when you’re feeling emotions in the Downward Spiral) but just one or two emotions at a time. Abraham-Hicks’ processes vary but the general theme is to gradually release resistance to ease your way to the next best feeling (or two). Based on this, if you’re experiencing rage, a reasonable shift for you would be to feel revenge, then anger. If you’re angry, it would be excellent progress to ease your way into blame or perhaps worry. As mentioned, calming practices help you arrive at a place of neutrality. According to AH, neutrality would sit between boredom and contentment – where emotional momentum has slowed right down. So while box breathing or sun salutations might help you come to neutrality if you’re frustrated or irritable, calming practices just won’t work when you’re much further down the Emotional Guidance Scale. 

TSDMA helps you move up the Emotional Guidance Scale much quicker than mental processes or calming strategies alone. TSDMA features techniques with explosive power – so you can explode without the guilty or shameful aftermath. Combined with potent and intentional Battle Cries for healing, you can feasibly shift from rage to anger to blame in a 1:1 Session with me. Throughout our four months together, via TSDMA and Empowerment Coaching, we will continuously work on helping you climb up the Emotional Guidance Scale to arrive at empowerment. 

Now you’re probably thinking, ‘But I can’t always have a 1:1 Session with you when I’m raging. How can TSDMA help then?’

The idea is not to use your new-found skills to hurt the people who are angering you! You will take the TSDMA techniques and strategies I teach you, and practice them either before or after a confrontation (or trigger). If you practice them before, it’s usually because you’re initiating the confrontation, eg: You spend 5 – 10 minutes practising TSDMA (perhaps followed by visualisation) and then call your ex-husband about the child support payments he’s been avoiding for six months. If you practice TSDMA afterwards, it’s probably because the confrontation has been incited by someone else or a circumstance such as heavy traffic. Eg: A hot-headed parent at school blames your child for stealing his daughter’s watch. You assert yourself without becoming aggressive as best you can, using conflict resolution strategies such as keeping your hands open (‘Conflict Resolution Strategies’ are a convenient Bonus in ‘Warrior Emerging’). But afterwards, you feel victimised and that the whole conversation was unfair (‘He has no evidence!’). In a safe space, you practice TSDMA and your Battle Cries. 

You explode – you release the charge and the Qi – and the momentum slows down. When it’s time, you can then communicate from a space of clarity and logic.

😡 You cannot come to a state of neutrality through calming practices when you’re experiencing Anger, Rage or Depression. The emotional momentum is too strong, and it’s far too big a vibrational leap.

☯️ Calming strategies work well to slow momentum and bring you to a state of neutrality when you’re feeling a little overwhelmed or slightly anxious or irritated. The vibrational leap is only small.

🥋 Calm conflict resolution is a learned skill, and a big part of martial arts. Our ultimate aim is to diffuse the situation to avoid physical confrontation. 

☝️ Because of its directed and focused physical expression, TSDMA can help you move up the Emotional Guidance Scale much quicker than mental processes or calming strategies alone.

🤜 TSDMA can be practised before or after a confrontation or triggering event.

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3) You’ve Suppressed your Anger or Frustration… and it’s got you nowhere

The Problem with Suppressing Anger or Frustration, and its relationship with the Good Girl Syndrome

As children, many of us were scolded when we had temper tantrums. Perhaps we were taught to skirt around other kids who were ranting, crying and throwing toys. So the seed was planted from a young age: anger is a ‘bad’ emotion and shouldn’t be displayed. While depression or anxiety is quite openly talked about in modern times, anger and rage still remains taboo; something to be ashamed of. These charged emotions are shoved down into the crevices of our cells, never to see the light of day lest we hurt someone, or someone thinks badly of us.

And sometimes suppressing (or at least restraining and redirecting) anger is necessary if, for instance, you have a history of violence. But if you’re like most women reading this, you probably don’t – and may, in fact, be suppressing anger because that’s what you were taught to do. It might have been an explicit lesson from Mum: ‘You’re a good girl, Ruby, and good girls don’t lash out like that’, or a self-created protective mechanism, eg: If you objected to something or got angry, you were physically or verbally abused, so you learnt to shut down as a fear response. 

Psst: This kind of conditioning contributes strongly to Good Girl Syndrome, which is largely responsible when women find it difficult to speak up. If you struggle with Good Girl Syndrome, I will work with you in-depth to help you:

➡️ Bust through Good Girl Syndrome and underlying beliefs that keep you holding onto it

➡️ Find (and use) your voice 

➡️ Say ‘no!’ in ways that are compassionate but still communicate your needs

➡️ Establish and assert your boundaries

If you are suppressing your charged emotions as a deliberate tactic to try to heal, it probably hasn’t been working too well for you. There are holes in a powder keg that you’re frantically plugging corks into. What will likely happen in the long-term? You’ll either lash out to the extent where you damage relationships – or you will continue to turn your emotion inward, where that energy keeps building and stagnating before manifesting as physiological dis-ease.

There wouldn’t be many mental health (or just general health) professionals who would recommend suppression as a viable practice to heal charged emotions. Expressing your emotions is the healthiest strategy – in a safe way where your charged emotions are fuel to help you reclaim your power.

🧨 Anger, frustration, rage and depression are energies that compound – and will manifest explosively in one way or another.

😓 If anger calming strategies don’t cut it, suppressing your charged emotions is much worse.

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The Bottom Line is…

Calming strategies such as breathwork, meditation, affirmations and gentle movement are too passive to truly help you break through Liver Qi Stagnation, transform your charged emotions and heal. It’s also too big a vibrational leap from depression, rage or anger to arrive at neutrality, which is what calming strategies are designed to do. Suppressing your frustration, anger, rage and depression isn’t recommended: the energy will manifest outwardly as explosions or inwardly as dis-ease.

What you can do instead:

• Save your calming strategies for when you are feeling only mildly overwhelmed, anxious, irritated or stressed – or you’re feeling good and want to feel better. Meditations and affirmations are included in ‘Warrior Emerging’. (I told you I love them!)
• During confrontations, before things get heated, practice calm, assertive conflict resolution strategies (included as a bonus in ‘Warrior Emerging’.)
• Physically exert your charged emotions through TSDMA and Battle Cries, either before or after a confrontation or triggering event (download my Free Empowerment Toolkit: ‘How to Heal Anger and Frustration through Transformational Self-Defence and Martial Arts’ for 6 easy and effective techniques to get you started. And yes, you can actually use them in a real-life self-defence situation!)

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Warrior Woman, are you ready to set aside the Soothing Practices that just haven’t been working for you, and Reclaim your Power?

Warrior Emerging: Your 4 Month Transformational Self-Defence and Martial Arts Empowerment Program

For the Spiritual Woman who is ready to transform her charged emotions and step into High Level, Whole Being Empowerment.

‘Warrior Emerging’ is my Signature Program: a powerful synthesis of Self-Defence, Martial Arts, Empowerment Coaching and Traditional East Asian Medicine, designed especially to turn anger and frustration into power and confidence.

As a private ‘Warrior Emerging’ client, we will work intensively over 4 months in a combination of tailored 1:1 Sessions and online.

I am here to support you through moments of emotional healing – and incredible breakthroughs. Step-by-step, you will progress from your rage, anger or frustration (or even depression or anxiety) towards empowerment. The TSDMA techniques and strategies I teach are genuine self-defence and martial art techniques and strategies – and by the end of the program, you’ll be able to confidently fend off assailants. Moreover, you’ll embody the kind of empowerment that grounds – and reclaims – you as a Conscious Creator, where you greet each morning with calm confidence, clarity and control over your emotions and life.

Warrior Emerging.

Designed for Inner Healing.

Applicable for Real-World Self-Protection.

I am here to help you:

✅ Pinpoint the reason(s) for your charged emotions, and gain crystal-clear clarity on the Highest Empowered Version of You that’s waiting for you to meet her!

✅ Safely and effectively alchemise your charged emotions through TSDMA, from easy Qi Gong and Somatic Yoga exercises to Karate blocks and power generation principles to powerful Self-Defence strikes and strategies (This can include exercises to heal from sexual wounding).

✅ Learn important (yet quick!) energetic tools to complement the process of transmuting your emotions

✅ Bust through the Good Girl Syndrome (if it’s causing problems in your relationships, work and life, it’s diabolical when it comes to Self-Defence and safety!)

✅ Find – and use – your Voice in a Very. Big. Way.

✅ Set clear, firm Boundaries – in your life and in Self-Defence.

✅ Build shine-from-the-inside-out Confidence, as you discover the spiritual basis of Confidence and Self-Love.

✅ Understand crucial Prevention and Protection strategies and how to adopt a safety mindset. This includes my unique ‘4 Stages of Interception’ Model

✅ Learn what not to do in Self-Defence and Martial Arts! (This mistake alone took me years of precious practice to unlearn!)

✅ Become physically empowered in Self-Defence through learning tried-and-true disengagements from common grabs (and their variations) and other attacks. Perfectly suitable for beginners, this includes how to use ‘Everyday Weapons’ for Self-Defence as well as my 6-Step Self-Defence against Grabs ‘Recipe’

Inside ‘Warrior Emerging’, you will receive:

✅ 8 x 60min Custom 1:1 ‘Warrior Emerging’ Sessions for unparalleled high-touch coaching and instruction so you can start alchemising your emotions and feel better, sooner

✅ Lifetime access to my comprehensive ‘Warrior Emerging’ Online Course complete with Workbooks, Meditations, Affirmations, 7 Day Challenges and more!

✅ Unlimited High-Touch Personal Support and Mentoring via private WhatsApp chat or e-mail for the duration of your program

✅ BONUS: ‘Warrior Sister’ Support Package to offer extended support and cement you in your new identity as the Highest Empowered Version of You: 4 x Private WhatsApp Monthly Check-Ins PLUS ‘Warrior Sister’ VIP Half-Day Masterclass

➕ PLUS High-Touch Commitment Bonus: 2 x 75min Artisanal Shiatsu Treatments

Warrior Woman, are you ready to reclaim your power?

Learn More about ‘Warrior Emerging’

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